Reality Television: Between a Rock and Another Rock That’s Crushing You

I have a confession. I love reality television. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not all reality tv. But specifically, it’s reality game shows. Actually, let’s make a distinction. Every game show is a reality show. But not every reality show is a game show. And while I enjoy reality shows that show us fascinating, sometimes horrifying parts of humanity (Hoarders, Obsessed, etc), my big love is game shows of all kinds. If there’s a prize at the end of it, I’m watching it.

Ok, let’s break it down even further. I suppose really, you can’t just say you “love reality television” without subscribing to a huge number of kinds of shows. Pretty much since television began, people have been interested in seeing their fellow man on the small screen. Whether it was in the form of regular person reality shows (Beat The Clock) or seeing celebrities and fascinating people step out of the headlines and into regular conversation (What’s My Line). As the television really started gain popularity, reality television came right along with it. Anyone with GSN can tell you that the 70s was one hell of a time for crazy game shows (You wouldn’t believe how people could get excited for a set of lamps till you’ve seen “Press Your Luck”), and minor celebrities were on more shows than ever (even the fantastic pairing of regular folks and minor celebs on shows like Password).

Game shows ruled the idea of reality television until 1992. Then, the entire face of television changed forever when a group of 20 somethings stopped being fake and entered “The Real World’. And suddenly, there were two types of reality television viewers. There’s a camp (a large, significant camp) that absolutely loves “The Real World”. The fights. The passion. The hot tubs. Some people just can’t get enough of tuning in to watch people fight. “The Real World” is still around, but it’s got steep, constant competition these days (Some version of “Real Housewives” is always airing new episodes pretty much every single week of the year). So you’ve got those folks. Then you’ve got people, like me, who can’t wrap their heads around why you would possibly care about watching these random people in extremely staged fights. If they hate each other so much, couldn’t they just leave? Move? Stop talking to each other? What’s at stake? Why do you stick around?

Contracts.

Contracts keep the “Real Housewives” talking and fighting, even if they’d rather move to the other side of the planet or to a leper colony (or perhaps that’s just where I’d like them to move). It feels so dishonest, which is extremely ironic. Yes, I know that everything on reality shows, even the game shows and the like, is completely staged. But at least on those, there’s some palpable reason they are staying besides just entertainment. They can deal with the humiliation and constant crap because there’s a life changing prize at the end.

Speaking of life changing prizes, American television got flipped on its head once again in 2000, when the first “reality game show” with a life changing prize came around: “Survivor”. Though it may seem pretty tired and dated now, I don’t think we can underestimate what a gigantic thing “Survivor” was, especially in that first year. It was bold. It took serious risks. It was outrageous. It turned regular people into heroes and villains of near fictional proportions. And what we watch on the tube would never be the same.

So this brings me back around to the beginning. I really love game shows. Along with that is a love of reality game shows. I love seeing how hard people will strive when there is serious money on the line. People leaping with both feet outside of their comfort zones, taking risks because this kind of money will alter their lives forever. It’s fascinating to me. It makes for great television. However, I have started to notice a disturbing trend.

Break game shows down to the most basic level, and it’s all about performing tasks. At the basic level are obstacle course style games like “Ninja Warrior” and “Wipeout”. Then you’ve got shows that set those tasks into context, like “The Mole” or “The Amazing Race”. Then above that are shows where the tasks are in fact in service of the greater context around them, like “Top Chef” or “America’s Next Top Model”. Yes, the tasks are first and foremost. But it’s more about a display of skill than trying to figure things out on the fly.

At least, that’s how it should be.

There’s a wonderful honesty in the obstacle course shows. No tricks. No real big surprises. It’s an obstacle course. You’re either going to be good at it or you are not. The one who is the best at it wins.

There’s also a real cool elegance to the top level shows when they are done well. “Top Chef” is so addicting because it’s mainly about people with amazing skills busting their asses and showing you just what kind of spectacular things can be done when you have years of training and experience. Plus, it’s a great show to watch while eating something really trashy like Doritos.

But when those shows start to veer off the path, it’s the worst kind of disappointing. I recently saw an episode of “Expedition Impossible”, which is ABC’s second hand version of “The Amazing Race”. In one leg of the race, the teams were required to load up a group of camels and ride them a few miles (some teams lead theirs, but it was apparent that the intent was for them to ride them). Now I understand that camels aren’t always cooperative. They are animals after all, not bicycles. However, I also understand that producers love drama. Throwing a wrench into the plans of tired contestants can provide for all kinds of juicy drama. So if you are a producer, and you know that you have access to a bunch of camels that are completely not cooperative and will probably cause all sorts of trouble, you might choose to grab those camels. And then, you might end up with something like what happened on “Expedition Impossible”, where a girl pretty nearly had her skull crushed by a camel that was probably unrideable under good circumstances. Sure, it’s dramatic. But does it make for good television? I don’t really think so.

A twist can really spice things up. But an obstacle which completely hampers someone’s ability to complete a task in a satisfying manner just doesn’t seem entertaining.

As much as I love them, food shows have become increasingly guilty of this. Make a beautiful meal for 100 people. Now do it for only 50 dollars. Now you’re on a boat. Now you only can chop food with your hands. Now you have to cook all your meals with a flamethrower. Is that really satisfying for anyone?

At one point in Food Network’s “Last Cake Standing”, they started the round by taking one person’s cake and hiding it. Seriously. She got picked for the bottom of the barrel, and the producers took her cake and just hid it somewhere in the hotel they were in. And when they told her, you could just read “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” written right on her face.

It looked something like this.

Sure, “Ninja Warrior” is damn near impossible to complete. But there are no tricks behind it. If you lose, it’s because you weren’t good enough to win. But if you are really awesome at making cakes, and you lose because you spend an hour of your precious time looking for clues because some asshole stole your cake and you couldn’t complete the work on time, that doesn’t seem very fair. If you lose because some camel you were required to take stomped on you (lucky for them, they actually didn’t lose that round), it doesn’t seem too fair. And if you lose because some producer cut the strings on your parachute because they wanted to see you crap your pants before the reserve opens, that doesn’t seem fair (ok, that hasn’t happened yet, but just wait for it.)

In conclusion, let’s put some fairness back into our reality shows. Frankly, it’s more entertaining to see people with real skill competing against each other, as opposed to seeing the will of the producers inflicting randomness all over the place. Integrity is entertaining. Randomness gets boring and frustrating.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to watch “101 Ways to Leave a Game Show”.